So usually with most stories of babies being born where the little one in question is healthy and the doctor's are happy with everyone that would be the end of it; pack them up and cart them off to make room for the next expectant mother. But this was no ordinary situation! It was 6:30am on a Monday morning and my phone alarm was going off to make me aware I had to get up for work. Except I wasn't in bed, I hadn't even been asleep! I was cradling my surprise newborn baby boy and realising that I had a few phone calls to make to our workplaces to explain what had been going on over the last 24 hours as well as letting my parents know and other close family members what had transpired. By the time mother and baby were cleaned up and we were given our own private room to acclimatise to the fact we now had a little one to care for it was getting close to the time I would be arriving at work, but after getting to the room we were then spoken to by a senior midwife about what would happen over the next couple of days; a social worker would come over to our house to make sure it was safe for a baby, (Thankfully I would have time to pack up all my infant-traps and ultra sharp knives I casually leave strewn around the house beforehand!) along with a huge shopping spree for all the things the little tyke could possibly need in the upcoming weeks. After all the intricate details of what would proceed over the next few days were laid out before us and I had the chance to pick my jaw up from off the floor I was technically 30 minutes late for work.
Thankfully I work with my uncle at an electrical wholesaler so I figured I could kill two birds with one stone first, and sure enough after the obligatory 5 second silence from being told the news he came back with this remark:
"Well... that's definitely your best excuse for being late yet!"
Suffice to say he was very happy for us all and he came to see the new addition after work the following day. Then it was on to my partner's work. This one I thought would prove to be a little more difficult to convince we knew nothing about her pregnancy as she had only been working there for two months so was still on her probation period. Thankfully due to the media coverage following the birth the managers saw that this was a legitimate case and they too were very happy for us... although they would have to confer with their legal department as to where we all stood with maternity pay as she hadn't been working there for that long. It was then on to the rest of the family. As my girlfriend's parent's were on site from early on I didn't have to worry about informing her side of the family and my uncle was happy to tell my grandmother what had happened, (I'd call her later that day anyway) so I was left with phone calls to my auntie, sister and my mother. (Who just so happened to be celebrating her 30th wedding anniversary to my dad on that day... "er, Happy Anniversary Mum! You'll never guess what I got you both for this milestone occasion... your first grandchild! Don't expect this every year...)
As soon as all the calls were done I made my way back in to the maternity ward to my other half who wondered where the bloody hell I had gotten to but understood I had a lot of calls to make... with a lot of elongated silences to break once each person was told! It was then I held my son again which was much scarier than the first time as I didn't have all the health care professionals around me giving me instructions on how to support him, it was just me and baby. This may seem inconsequential in itself; I mean, a father holds his son, right? It happens for the first time thousands of times a day all over the world, but it's easy to have confidence when surrounded by people who know what they're doing... and this was the first time I was handling him with no-one overlooking me, and it felt... right. I've always thought of myself as a prospective father and kids have always been in my mind at some point, but WE HAD A PLAN DAMN IT! We were saving for a house! Then we would get a dog! (A pug specifically as we have both been brought up with big dogs in our families so thought something little might be a bit different and let's face it, they're not that far away from a baby.) And then kids... realistically that meant waiting another three to fours years and I would be pushing 40 but hey, better late than never, right? But here I was, 35 years old, no house, no pug, a baby and no clue as to what to do next. It was after this tender moment that a nurse popped in and suggested that I go home and get a few hours sleep while mother and baby rested as it had been a strenuous night for all. So I kissed Momma Bear and Baby Bear on the forehead and drove home in a haze to try and get some shut eye.
When I got home the house felt surprisingly empty and it was at that point I knew this was as quiet as my life would be for at least the next 18 years. I looked around the front room trying to picture where all the baby essentials would go as we have a ridiculously small house and items would need to be sold or scrapped in order to make space for all things needed. I floated upstairs and went in to what was our guest bedroom, trying to imagine this area turned in to a nursery with a cot and pirate regalia hanging off the walls, (OH YES, HE WAS GOING TO HAVE A PIRATE ROOM!!) and then I meandered in to bed to try and block out all the racing thoughts about what happens next before exhaustion crept up on me and I fell asleep. I slept for about 3 hours, a deep sleep; no thoughts, no dreams, and I must admit when I woke up I had a millisecond of doubt as to whether the events of the night before actually happened, but with my beloved not lying next to me I knew it was all very real. With that thought at the forefront of my mind I proceeded to go in to the bathroom to clean my teeth and have a shower before heading back to the hospital to see my new family.
Just as I got in to the shower and the steam started to push the sleepiness out of my essence the true weight of what had happened hit me... like a truck. For the past 12 hours I had been more concerned about my partner's welfare, and then our baby's welfare and then telling everyone what had transpired that I had blocked out how I felt about the whole situation and I'm not ashamed to say that I cried. Not at the loss of my freedom to do what I want when I want, (well... when the other half allowed it!) or from the shock of becoming a father overnight, but for the first time in a long time I had no idea what to do. I pride myself on being able to take the initiative when everyone around me is free falling in a crisis. At times when a difficult decision has to be made I have no problem with stepping up if no-one else can or will, and generally speaking up until this point I had been pretty successful, but I was in deep; No time for research in to the matter, no chance to prepare financially for the little one and all the things he would need and more importantly what I would like to provide for him, not even an idea on the next step let alone 3 or 4 steps down the road. I had no plan, no strategy, no clue, and that scared the hell out of me. I felt completely lost, and I knew I had two people in the hospital relying on me to make some big decisions in their absence to make all our lives easier and I didn't know what to do. It was at this point that I made an accord with myself: we would take it one day at a time. When a problem arises, we would deal with it and move on and as much as I hate to improvise off the cuff I accepted there and then that with a child that's the only way it would be. So after I gathered myself and cleaned up I proceeded to get dressed and head back to the hospital determined to do what I could to ease us in to parenthood with as little difficulty as possible.
(Ultimately how I felt was a moot point compared to what my partner had been through in the last 24 hours. However lost I felt was minuscule compared to how she must have felt. She would later confess to me that she felt that she had let me down, but I could never be upset with her over something like this. To feel like you can't even trust your own body and to give birth without having any of the classic symptoms of being pregnant is something I would never be able to relate to, and I had the advantage of going home when the midwives kicked me out for the night so all the new mums and babies could rest but for her it was unrelenting. I had quiet times to try and ingest all the information thrown at us throughout the days in hospital, either when driving around arranging things for their eventual homecoming or going home for the night to sleep but she had no respite from it at all. I know she had weak moments in that hospital when she felt all alone late at night, but she has proved to me and everyone we know then and ever since how strong a woman she can be... and I love her for that.)
I'd like to say that this moment of emotional weakness was the last time I'd lose it for no apparent reason, but the truth is I hardly lasted an hour. As I walked back in to the room where Mama and baby were I was greeted by a lady selling photos she had taken of our little mite while I was at home and I had conveniently turned up at just the right moment to see the results! So, after flicking through a few of the pictures she had taken and allowing us one extra photo to be taken of Father cradling Son it was time to deliver the knockout blow... the video montage with music for ultimate emotional reaction! Suffice to say after a sensitive 24 hours this broke me completely and I became that gullible blubbering wreck who orders the deluxe package who she no doubt had a good laugh about with the other reps around the water cooler later that day... and I'm fine with that. (For reasons I will go in to later on for fear of repeating myself too much.) This wouldn't be the only picture we would have taken of ourselves today either. As it so happens Jacob was born not only on St George's day, (the patron saint of England) but also on the same day as Prince William's third child which meant that the press officer of the hospital was going around and snapping all the happy couples and their newborns which in turn popped our picture up on the lunchtime bulletin of one of the national news programs! (This lead to my biological father who I hadn't seen for years recognising us on TV and since then we're now building on this foundation so he has a healthy relationship with his grandson.) But that wasn't all that transpired with the media thanks to an innocent Facebook post.
Now, as stated previously myself and my good lady are enthusiasts of a little coastal town called Weston Super Mare; we both have fond memories as children visiting the local area, there are lot's of arcades around, (I am a gamer at heart after all!) and with it being just over an hour away it's easy enough to get to whenever we want a change of scenery so both myself and the other half are members of a Facebook group called Weston Super Mare - Then And Now, where people who either live in and around the area or lovers of the resort can share pictures from the past or more recent times along with having a handy place to keep an eye on special events which take place throughout the year. Much like any Facebook group there are people who use it to spread a bit of cheer throughout the community and those who see it as a grandstand to moan about whatever topic was currently en vogue so I thought it would be nice to mention the little trip to our favourite place along with what followed over the next 12 hours and the post BLEW UP. We had hundreds of likes and many many words of congratulations from everyone but more interestingly we had a private message from a producer working for the BBC Radio Bristol morning program who wanted to do an interview with me live on air with the host! This lead on to a little media storm over the next 48 hours which saw myself interviewed by BBC Radio Bristol, BBC Radio Somerset, BBC Radio Hereford & Worcester, a news piece on the main BBC website about us along with other online articles featuring in The Metro and Daily Mail national papers. And it didn't end there, when Mother and baby came out of hospital she was also interviewed by BBC Radio Hereford & Worcester as a follow up story and we also had a TV reporter and cameraman over to our house to feature in the lunchtime and evening regional news program for that day as the "and finally" feel good article. My considerate other also did an interview with one of those trashy women's magazines who decided to focus on the fact we ate at a Nandos the evening before rather than us not knowing we were expecting but it's a lesson we all learnt on that one, but we did get a little bit of money from the article so it wasn't a complete loss and in retrospect it's something amusing we can show the little one when he's older.
That's a lot of crazy things happening to us over a very short period of time and some people thought it might be a bit overwhelming with everything else going on in our lives but we had both decided we would grab these opportunities with both hands for one simple reason: Most people these days can have pictures of their first scan kept for prosperity's sake, or have baby bump pictures to reflect back on as the day of birth dawns ever closer but we had none of that. No scan pictures, no baby bump pictures, no baby shower. So what better way to commemorate the birth of our surprise son than with a load of newspaper articles, radio interviews and TV segments? Not everyone can claim that for their firstborn so I like to think it makes up for all the things we did miss in those 9 months which other people get to enjoy at least in a little way.
** If you're interested in seeing any/all of the media you can watch the compilation here. All the articles/interviews I managed to find online or was gifted by the producers are here with the relative timestamps if there's certain things you'd like to see/hear over others. It is also a private video on my Youtube channel which you are free to share if you think anyone else would like to see it but I won't be openly advertising it with a general release to my subscribers. **
As it stood, my boy decided to do a little poop on his way out of the womb, (a common occurrence I'm told!) and because of this he picked up a little infection; his white cells weren't at the capacity that they should have been which meant Momma and Baby were kept in hospital for 5 days to make sure he was well enough to eventually let him out in to the big wide world. This as it turned out was a blessing in disguise as I had a house to sort out for when they got home along with a lot of items to buy and I didn't have a clue where to start! Now I am a firm believer in retail therapy, (everyone feels better when they buy themselves something new!) but where should I even begin? Thankfully my partner's parent's had clubbed together and bought us a car seat as I didn't realise you couldn't even leave the hospital without one, although it makes sense in retrospect. I mean, how else are you going to get the little one home, in the glove box? They also shelled out a considerable amount of money on a fancy branded pram which converted in to a pushchair for when he was older which was a very generous gift, essentially taking out the hassle and monetary burden such a purchase can be when buying for your first... when you hardly have any spare cash flow... and you didn't even know you were expecting. But between friends and family we were blessed to receive all the essentials we would need for the first few weeks of parenting. This didn't stop me going to Mothercare with my partner's mother to get any small items not thought about until a couple of days after the birth when we knew what we were expecting from others. (The last thing we needed or could afford was duplicates!) So I walked in to the shop credit card in hand and an hour or so later with a very helpful lady's assistance (are they on commission?) I managed to spend over £500 on things I'd been told we'd need sooner or later. Sure enough all the items were used eventually and it was money well spent... although it turned out not to be the largest purchase we made in the first 2 weeks of parenting.
All the bases had been covered. No basics were we left wanting, but that's not to say all conveniences were accounted for! There was one glaring issue we could live without initially but would have to be confronted sooner rather than later and that was on transport, or more specifically transport which could cope with a baby and all the relative accessories which came along with them. You see, my partner and I only had 2 small cars between us; I'm talking 3 door hatchbacks which technically had back seats to them but unless you were a legless midget there was no practical use for the area behind the driver and that's without even thinking of where a pram was going to go, the changing bag and any other necessities we may have needed on any given excursion or day out! And did I mention we had a holiday booked down in Cornwall from before he was born which we were planning on still going to even though he would only be 10 weeks old at the time?! Yeah... So, as you can appreciate one of us had to upgrade our car too which my other half was more than happy to do. It made sense really, she was the one who would be carting them both around for the year she would have off with him before going back to work after her maternity leave ended, so in the two weeks after we all came home from hospital we had also been doing research in to an appropriate vehicle and bought a car!
This all happened within the paternity leave I had been given. It all had to be done in that time as I wanted returning to work for myself to be as hassle free as possible. I needed to know that my little family had everything needed to get about day to day so we could then concentrate on growing in to our new roles together without any unnecessary distractions hitting us on some idle Tuesday in the future.
I'm very happy to say that since all this has happened we have all had a relatively carefree 15 months together. Jacob is a very happy baby and now that he is older and getting more interactive with every passing day there is never a dull moment, although at times a bit more "quiet time" for us parents wouldn't go amiss! But taking it in to consideration all the things that have happened I don't think I'd change the way we were gifted our baby boy. Although there were milestones we never had through the pregnancy we also never had any of the grief of overthinking the situation when you have 9 months to think about what's inevitably going to happen, and since my little breakdown in the shower we have been living day to day; overcoming obstacles as they arise and generally it works for us. If I can take anything away from all of this it's to live each day as it comes and although it's good to prepare for any situation sometimes you just need to roll with the punches and with a little luck on your side everything should fall the way it should if only you have a little faith in yourself.
So there you have it! The story of how I became a surprise dad in three relatively long blog posts spanned over virtually 12 months. Free time is an issue for me these days so I hope you can forgive me for uneven uploading to my Youtube channel or for how infrequent my blogs have been but this three parter is leading up to a special video I plan on releasing around the time of his Christening at the start of September, (another thing which has unexpectedly taken far longer than we thought it would to arrange!) so keep a look out for that with probably an unabridged version of the script appearing on here too. Ultimately though these three entries and the upcoming video is all for Jacob. It's something that I hope he will look back on when he's older, (much, much older for this blog!) and see exactly how his old man felt in a frank retelling of the story he would have been overloaded with when growing up and ultimately I hope he can take heart in the fact that his parents may have ignored him for the first 9 months of his life but he has been at the forefront of our thoughts and actions ever since.
It's all for you, Son.
I hope to be more frequent going in to the future due to a change of priorities with my free time coming up after the celebration which I am planning on divulging more about on my Youtube channel soon so look out for that if you're interested. But until the next time thank you once again for taking the time to read this and hopefully I'll speak to you again soon.
Scott.
