They say you can never be truly ready to have a baby and I definitely agree with that. The thing is, you can be partially ready for a baby, be that mentally, physically or financially. As far as those 3 aspects are concerned we were not. Thankfully this wasn't something which hit me initially in those seconds, minutes or even hours after the nurse dropped the bombshell of our incoming parenthood. Those 3 seconds from being told to my partner being whisked off to the birthing suite was, (unbeknownst to me at the time) the quietest and most serene moments I would have to myself for the foreseeable future. My brain had farted. I was drawing a blank. For that brief time I had no idea what the hell was going on. Thankfully the well trained staff around us made the the next couple of hours as autonomous as possible for us both, it was just a case of going through the motions and as far as my part was concerned being the hand to be squeezed in between the contractions which up until this point had been quite bearable... or so I'm told.
It's at this point I'd like to make you aware dear reader that the two "highlights" I'm about to mention are, (I'm sure) a couple of the many features experienced in between being told we were going to be parents to the birth of our son six and three quarters of an hour later but due to the circumstances everything else was a bit of a blur; I was well and truly in auto-pilot mode throughout this time but I will never forget these two scenarios that cropped up:
The first "highlight" of the labor period is one that although the situation was very apparent it never sunk in until this point and it fell like an anvil dropping. A happy anvil, but an anvil none the less! Now I'm one of these people who doesn't really believe something until there is proof to back it up and it's fair to say that it didn't matter how much all these professionals kept telling me and my partner we were having a baby I still had an air of cynicism about the whole situation. YES, I know that her water broke in the A&E department and YES, all the issues my partner had had over the last couple of days were pointing to her being heavily pregnant but what it took to finally sink in was the sound of Baby's heartbeat. Things were moving along and they wanted to keep an eye on Mother and Baby's vitals to make sure there were no issues popping up as the birthing process advanced; after all 2 hours ago we didn't even know we were expecting; and I remember this big black elasticated band being put around my partner's belly and then the midwife plugging this little plug in to the monitor behind her and then BAM! There it was. He was here. It was real. It felt like in that moment my heart skipped a beat and transferred through my hand holding my girl's hand, down the cables and in to him and there was no denying it any more. That juncture was the happiest and scariest I've ever felt all at once in my entire life and I think under different circumstances those two feelings might have come on separate occasions... but we were on the clock so we just got it all over with in one foul swoop.
As has been well documented since the dawn of man when you enter the labor period of the miracle of birth and mother and baby appear to be healthy you enter a bit of a waiting game. Baby is quite happy where he or she is residing as it's all they've ever known and Momma can't push until she's well dilated so we are basically hanging around until my partner's lady bits warm up to the fact she is going to push the equivalent of a melon out her being in the near future... so you can understand why it takes a while to come around to the idea to be honest. And it was after a couple of hours of waiting with the occasional crushing of my hand during contractions, (around 2AM) that I mentioned to the other half that it might be a good idea to let someone else know we were about to become a family, and seeing as she was doing all the hard work and I was there for moral support and to be the casual squeeze toy I thought it was time for me to get in touch with her parents first. Initially she wasn't too warm on the idea as she thought that her Mother would be disappointed, or even angry at her for not knowing of her situation but she soon resigned herself to the fact that there's only so long you can hide a baby in the family as they can be quite loud and very time consuming at the best of times, and with that I went outside to make the phone call. Again, this was all within the time where the acute details are blurred but the conversation went something like this:
(30 seconds of the phone ringing)
Partner's Sleepy Mother (PSM): Hello?
Me: Hi PSM it's Scott.
PSM: Hi Scott. Is there a problem?
Me: Well... er... are you sitting down?
PSM: I'm in bed Scott...
Me: Yeah... well... you see... it's your daughter... we're in hospital... and she's going to have a baby.
(Uncomfortable silence... it felt like hours but I'm sure it was seconds)
PSM: WHAT?!
Me: Yeah... there appears to be no complications but we could do with you coming up as soon as you can.
PSM: We'll be there within an hour.
In retrospect I'm sure there are better ways to tell someone they were going to become a first time grandparent but time was of the essence and true to their word they were with us before 3AM. I'll never forget their faces as I met them in the foyer of the hospital because between them they managed to convey all the feelings I had at that present time: my partner's mother had a look of abject worry and broken sleep wrought in to her face in contrast to my partner's father who had such a beaming smile there was no wiping it off... regardless of the ungodly time we had dragged him out at.
Time was ticking on, things were expanding at a steady rate and even though my partner had been squeezing my hand for almost 5 hours not once had her grip got any weaker! That's when it happened, things had gotten to a point where she was allowed to push and for the next 45 minutes that's what she did and that's when we had a complication. Describing a matter of life or death for your unborn baby as a "complication" seems a slight underestimate to the stakes at hand but again in retrospect I'm sure the well qualified doctors and nurses see this on a much more regular basis than we do, but when you're made aware of any issue when it has been plain sailing up until that point it's the only thing you tend to focus on. The issue with the birthing process was, (and I was unaware of this) that the ladies of the Human race have a U-bend in them, (as it was described to me) and our baby with every push from Momma was moving 2 steps forward then 2 steps back again in a sort of rocking motion due to the size of Baby and the size of the U-bend, and after a long time of trying to see if this would eventually occur naturally the baby was getting very tired and distressed, to the point of it's heartbeat dropping with every go, and with every try my girlfriend was also getting more tired so each added push was weaker. (Her grip alas was still stronger than ever!) So at this point a decision had to be made; they could take her to the operating theatre for a cesarean or they could attempt a forceps delivery. My girl was adamant she was not going to have a cesarean so as long as the doctors thought they could help the baby with forceps, (think of them as brutally over sized barbecue tongs without the added use of tossing salad on rainy days) we would try and avoid any unnecessary surgical procedures for as long possible, hopefully altogether. As it stood this isn't something they could do in the standard delivery suite so it was at this point my partner's sleepy mother had to leave our side and join my partner's joyful father back in the waiting room, where as I was heading to a locker room to get cleaned up and put on some scrubs before going to join the assembled midwives, doctors and nurses who were looking at getting baby out as soon and stress-free as possible. When I exited the locker room a nurse was waiting to show me where I would be going to join the party when she suddenly declared to me, "Have you got your phone?" For some reason this question really confused me, why did she expect me to have my phone on me? I know the youth of today tend to have their portable communication devices surgically attached to the palms of their hands these days but I had no idea what the etiquette in this circumstance was! I figured if I couldn't go in to what I believed to be a sterilized room in my everyday togs, (albeit well worn... it had been almost 24 hours since we left to go to Weston) a plastic device dropped on the floor, kept in a sweaty pocket, spat on through banter on phone calls and with smudgy fingerprints all over it wouldn't be welcome in such an environment but alas I was wrong. "To take pictures of the birth with of course!" was the reply.
Well OK then.
I'd been with my partner for almost 10 years at this point so naturally the talk of children had come up in casual conversation on more than one occasion, especially when talking about the actual birthing process, and one thing was made vehemently clear from an early point: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES MUST YOU EVER, EVER GO BELOW THE WAIST AND SEE THE CAR CRASH THAT WOULD BE MY PARTNERS LADY BITS DURING THE MIRACLE OF BIRTH. To be honest with you I don't think seeing what I can only think of as a reenactment of the scene with John Hurt in Alien but about 18 inches further down the body would have fazed me but even if I wanted to take a peek down there there was no way I'd be able to get a look in with all the people buzzing around the lower half of her body so I played the good partner role and held her hand while the necessary procedures were carried out. Because of the lateness of the complication my dear one had gone past the point of being able to have an epidural but "thankfully" she could have an anesthetic injection in to the lower back which would numb the area, (albeit not as effectively) as she now had to have in order to use the forceps effectively a "nip" down below to make the entry of the tools easier. All I can remember of this part was my already distressed partner from being rushed in to an operating theatre screaming in pain whilst the "nip" was applied... and after that the birthing tongs were brought in to play. I honestly thought at this point, (with the whole cutting of the lady bits and the pain that seemed to cause) that the worst was over for my lady; a bit more pushing with a bit of leverage from the forceps and Bob's you uncle - instant baby birth! But I couldn't have been more wrong. From what I can gather at my limited, (thankfully) angle is that the reason the cuts were made in my sweetheart's downstairs department was so the forceps could fit in beside the baby's head and thus "help" the little mite pass through the birthing canal and join us in the operating theatre which in itself was still a tight fit... an extremely painful tight fit as it happens, and all I could do for my girl is allow her to squeeze my hand until my bones were turned to dust - it was the least I could let her do.
And then it happened. One over-dramatic pull from the doctor later and this purplely-blue blob was plopped on to my girlfriend's stomach. Now, my only experience of childbirth up until this point has been what has been shown to me in films or TV programs, (I've purposely not watched programs like One Born Every Minute... it's just not how I like to spend my free time and I can't for the life of me see why anyone would want to subject themselves to such a program if they haven't given birth or have been the significant other standing at their side... it's a horror show at the best if times!) so when baby popped out I was expecting cries and wiggling and well... signs of life. The doctors and midwives had just plonked the little critter down on my lady's stomach, gave him a quick rub on his back and left him to it! This was when it felt like I experienced the longest second of my life: I stood there staring while all the professionals around us were congratulating us on having a healthy baby boy but I was just waiting for a little movement... a little cry... a little reassurance... and it mustn't have been more than a second or so as I'd like to think if there were any real issues they would have been addressed immediately, then he wailed like a banshee and I felt a huge release of stress swathe over my entire being. Everything was going to be alright. As this happened and he was put on to my love's chest she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, "I want to call him Jacob." Considering the amount of physical and mental punishment she had been under for the last 6 hours I didn't think I was in a position to argue with her! Jacob, (not Jake) it was.
After the initial moment we were allowed together there were still things that needed to be sorted out with Momma, there were stitches to be had and seeing as the doctors were already down there the placenta was to be removed now rather than letting it pass naturally so Jacob was taken over to the side to be weighed and cleaned up a little and I was ushered in the same direction. Sadly because of the immediacy of the birth I couldn't cut the umbilical cord after he was born but there was a significant length left which had to be trimmed down so I was allowed to do that and then the clamp was applied to seal it off. I say clamp... it looked more like the sort of clip you buy from the supermarket to seal up a partly eaten packet of crisps but if it does the job who am I to argue! After that he was wrapped up in a white towel and handed to me for a moment, the first time I was able to hold my son, and I gave him a little rub on his chest with my finger and welcomed him to this world while a nurse took a few pictures on my phone. Then a beautiful thing happened which I'll never forget; Jacob moved his hand up out of the towel he was wrapped in and clasped my finger so tightly and I experienced an intense wave of love I'd never felt before wash over my body and I knew in that second we would all be fine; from the suddenness of this bombshell being dropped of becoming parents after having no idea 7 hours previously to not having anything at all for our little miracle, (several epic shopping trips over the next 5 days followed) I knew everything would work out great... and then my phone alarm went off telling me I had to get up to go to work.
That lead to some interesting phone calls to several people over the next couple of hours but I'll cover that in the next, (and final) part along with what became a little media sensation for us after an innocent Facebook post!
Thanks once again for taking the time to read this and hopefully I'll see you next time!
Scott.
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