Scooby Doo, How Old Are You?! (Unabridged)

 This is the unabridged version of the introduction for my 2019 Halloween special video about the history of Scooby Doo, along with gameplay from the Commodore 64 game titled "Scooby Doo" which I owned as a child. As well as having extra parts I deemed not worth mentioning in the live read I have also included links where appropriate to pages which may have more info on certain series or characters but if you would like a general read up on Scooby Doo you can click here for his Wikipedia page and here for all the Scooby Doo media made since his inception.

I hope you enjoy the extra bits!

Since my Son was born I have been adamant there would be certain movies and TV programs that I watched as a child which I would like for him to at least experience and, with any luck, love as much as I do. Everything from classic cartoons like the Flintstones, weird animation series like The Trap Door and live action shows like Mighty Morphin Power Rangers will be showcased to him via online mediums and for the ones real close to my heart be available via a healthy collection of DVD's for access whenever he wants after the zombie apocalypse begins and the internet is turned off.

(It is my goal to keep Peppa Pig at bay for as long as humanly possible. The very thought of having to watch that abhorrent pig and her annoying family on a regular basis because let's face it, kids like to watch thing on repeat, repeatably, chills me to the bone. But I digress...)

I have already started his collection of classics after I happened to come across the complete series of Top Cat at a charity shop who were having a clear out of DVDs due to having a ridiculous amount donated to them over the years and there not being much call for physical copies any more, which in itself I find a tragedy. I mean, why go through the visceral exertion of putting a disc in to a player and THEN having to get ANOTHER remote which isn't for your TV to press play when you can watch whatever you want within a couple of clicks these days... am I right?! Eh? I'm not completely convinced but that's another rant for another time... I guess I am old. Now this is probably the geriatric in me thinking this, and in a world where I'm pretty certain everything will be available online at some point in the future either via direct access or through some sort of ordering system I suppose there is a certain redundancy when it comes to physical copies but I can't help but think that these companies who we subscribe to have a little too much power, and through either no fault of their own or even more sinister, by design, they can remove access at any time and you will have nothing to show for it other than an empty bank account and a empty heart. OK, that's probably taking things to the extreme but you get my point! You don't own it and it can be taken away from you whenever, for whatever reason is feasible at the time. Scary.

ANYWAY, it was on this crusade that drove me to checking a couple of other charity shops, CEX, (pronounced "sex", which is a pretty bold thing to do I think!) and when we were up early enough the occasional trip to local car boot sales this Summer when I found the first 2 series of Scooby Doo in pristine condition. As soon as I got back home I popped in the first disc and sat down with my Son for an afternoon of spooky shenanigans with Fred, Daphne, Velma and the MVPs of the cartoon Shaggy and Scooby. And it was after that first episode had concluded that I clocked in the end credits the year of release: 1969.

Scooby Doo was 50 years old!

To be precise, the premier of the original series, "Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!" was on September 13th 1969 and ran for 2 seasons as part of the CBS network's Saturday morning schedule before 24 hour long specials were made up until 1973. The show then went on a hiatus of 3 years until 1976 when the series was picked up by ABC due to a television executive by the name of Fred Silverman moving away from CBS to become president of their rival network the previous year. This man is a legend in the Television industry and is the person who's responsible for green lighting many classic shows I grew up watching; The Waltons, MASH, Charlie's Angels and a personal favourite of mine I still watch today whenever I see it on, Diagnosis Murder. He was such an integral person to Scooby Doo being commissioned the character of Fred in the show is actually named after him.

When recommissioned by ABC, Scooby Doo ran for a further 15 series producing 179 episodes over 15 years in 6 differently titled variants, (The Scooby-Doo Show, Scooby's All-Star Laff-A-Lympics, Scooby-Doo and Scrappy-Doo, The New Scooby and Scrappy-Doo Show, The 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo and A Pup Named Scooby-Doo) up until 1991, and it was in this time where we were introduced to other members of Scooby's family, most notably Scrappy-Doo - Scooby's brave and some would say boisterous nephew. Scrappy's attitude in the series along with the change of the group dynamic of the original cast since his introduction has seen a large, very vocal group of passionate Scooby fans actively hating on the pup to the point where he was supposedly written out of the series due to this backlash, but it would appear that this was a plot by the Warner Brothers network to help ease people in to the fact Scrappy would be the villain in the first live action movie... oh yeah... SPOILERS! Surely you've seen the film by now, right?

The then gang disappeared for 11 years. Nothing lasts forever, and with the intended original audience now all grown up and tastes changing from the groovy attitude of the late 60's and 70's which the original cartoon enveloped to a more modern nuanced feel of the 90's with shows like Rugrats, Doug and The Simpsons it seemed like a good time for Scooby to be put out to pasture. But this wasn't the end of the story for our favourite cowardly Great Dane. In 2002 the gang were brought back by the the Warner Brother television network for a series titled "What's New, Scooby-Doo?" which ran for 3 series before being bounced around subsidiaries of the Warner Brother network up until present day, with a new series being shown on the children's channel Boomerang as I write called "Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?". You just can't keep a good dog down!

So, time to throw some numbers at you. In the 50 years since Scooby Doo was conceived there have been 30 series resulting in 413 individual episodes, 37 feature length animated films, 4 live action films, 32 animation shorts exclusively shown on Youtube, 13 comic series resulting in 535 issues, 5 theatrical plays which toured the world and 20 computer games throughout the years running on everything from the Intellivision to modern phones. And it's the second game made, simply titled Scooby Doo for the Commodore 64 that made me reminisce about my fondness for this cartoon and make this my Halloween special for 2019. Not the best of games if I was going to be completely honest with you, and since replaying it as an adult and doing research in to the product which was published compared to the game we were touted a year before release I can say this is a firm case of those rose tinted glasses covering up the worst cracks on show but hey... that's nostalgia for you I guess.

So I'll end this by saying Happy 50th Birthday Scooby Doo, may your cowardly demeanor and courageous appetite continue to bring a smile to children for generations to come.

Thanks once again for taking the time to read this and hopefully I'll see you next time!

Scott.


Check Out My Youtube Channel: www.YouTube.com/PalicoPadge

The Baby That Came! Part 3 - The After-Birth

 So usually with most stories of babies being born where the little one in question is healthy and the doctor's are happy with everyone that would be the end of it; pack them up and cart them off to make room for the next expectant mother. But this was no ordinary situation! It was 6:30am on a Monday morning and my phone alarm was going off to make me aware I had to get up for work. Except I wasn't in bed, I hadn't even been asleep! I was cradling my surprise newborn baby boy and realising that I had a few phone calls to make to our workplaces to explain what had been going on over the last 24 hours as well as letting my parents know and other close family members what had transpired. By the time mother and baby were cleaned up and we were given our own private room to acclimatise to the fact we now had a little one to care for it was getting close to the time I would be arriving at work, but after getting to the room we were then spoken to by a senior midwife about what would happen over the next couple of days; a social worker would come over to our house to make sure it was safe for a baby, (Thankfully I would have time to pack up all my infant-traps and ultra sharp knives I casually leave strewn around the house beforehand!) along with a huge shopping spree for all the things the little tyke could possibly need in the upcoming weeks. After all the intricate details of what would proceed over the next few days were laid out before us and I had the chance to pick my jaw up from off the floor I was technically 30 minutes late for work.

 Thankfully I work with my uncle at an electrical wholesaler so I figured I could kill two birds with one stone first, and sure enough after the obligatory 5 second silence from being told the news he came back with this remark:

"Well... that's definitely your best excuse for being late yet!"

 Suffice to say he was very happy for us all and he came to see the new addition after work the following day. Then it was on to my partner's work. This one I thought would prove to be a little more difficult to convince we knew nothing about her pregnancy as she had only been working there for two months so was still on her probation period. Thankfully due to the media coverage following the birth the managers saw that this was a legitimate case and they too were very happy for us... although they would have to confer with their legal department as to where we all stood with maternity pay as she hadn't been working there for that long. It was then on to the rest of the family. As my girlfriend's parent's were on site from early on I didn't have to worry about informing her side of the family and my uncle was happy to tell my grandmother what had happened, (I'd call her later that day anyway) so I was left with phone calls to my auntie, sister and my mother. (Who just so happened to be celebrating her 30th wedding anniversary to my dad on that day... "er, Happy Anniversary Mum! You'll never guess what I got you both for this milestone occasion... your first grandchild! Don't expect this every year...)

 As soon as all the calls were done I made my way back in to the maternity ward to my other half who wondered where the bloody hell I had gotten to but understood I had a lot of calls to make... with a lot of elongated silences to break once each person was told! It was then I held my son again which was much scarier than the first time as I didn't have all the health care professionals around me giving me instructions on how to support him, it was just me and baby. This may seem inconsequential in itself; I mean, a father holds his son, right? It happens for the first time thousands of times a day all over the world, but it's easy to have confidence when surrounded by people who know what they're doing... and this was the first time I was handling him with no-one overlooking me, and it felt... right. I've always thought of myself as a prospective father and kids have always been in my mind at some point, but WE HAD A PLAN DAMN IT! We were saving for a house! Then we would get a dog! (A pug specifically as we have both been brought up with big dogs in our families so thought something little might be a bit different and let's face it, they're not that far away from a baby.) And then kids... realistically that meant waiting another three to fours years and I would be pushing 40 but hey, better late than never, right? But here I was, 35 years old, no house, no pug, a baby and no clue as to what to do next. It was after this tender moment that a nurse popped in and suggested that I go home and get a few hours sleep while mother and baby rested as it had been a strenuous night for all. So I kissed Momma Bear and Baby Bear on the forehead and drove home in a haze to try and get some shut eye.

When I got home the house felt surprisingly empty and it was at that point I knew this was as quiet as my life would be for at least the next 18 years. I looked around the front room trying to picture where all the baby essentials would go as we have a ridiculously small house and items would need to be sold or scrapped in order to make space for all things needed. I floated upstairs and went in to what was our guest bedroom, trying to imagine this area turned in to a nursery with a cot and pirate regalia hanging off the walls, (OH YES, HE WAS GOING TO HAVE A PIRATE ROOM!!) and then I meandered in to bed to try and block out all the racing thoughts about what happens next before exhaustion crept up on me and I fell asleep. I slept for about 3 hours, a deep sleep; no thoughts, no dreams, and I must admit when I woke up I had a millisecond of doubt as to whether the events of the night before actually happened, but with my beloved not lying next to me I knew it was all very real. With that thought at the forefront of my mind I proceeded to go in to the bathroom to clean my teeth and have a shower before heading back to the hospital to see my new family.

 Just as I got in to the shower and the steam started to push the sleepiness out of my essence the true weight of what had happened hit me... like a truck. For the past 12 hours I had been more concerned about my partner's welfare, and then our baby's welfare and then telling everyone what had transpired that I had blocked out how I felt about the whole situation and I'm not ashamed to say that I cried. Not at the loss of my freedom to do what I want when I want, (well... when the other half allowed it!) or from the shock of becoming a father overnight, but for the first time in a long time I had no idea what to do. I pride myself on being able to take the initiative when everyone around me is free falling in a crisis. At times when a difficult decision has to be made I have no problem with stepping up if no-one else can or will, and generally speaking up until this point I had been pretty successful, but I was in deep; No time for research in to the matter, no chance to prepare financially for the little one and all the things he would need and more importantly what I would like to provide for him, not even an idea on the next step let alone 3 or 4 steps down the road. I had no plan, no strategy, no clue, and that scared the hell out of me. I felt completely lost, and I knew I had two people in the hospital relying on me to make some big decisions in their absence to make all our lives easier and I didn't know what to do. It was at this point that I made an accord with myself: we would take it one day at a time. When a problem arises, we would deal with it and move on and as much as I hate to improvise off the cuff I accepted there and then that with a child that's the only way it would be. So after I gathered myself and cleaned up I proceeded to get dressed and head back to the hospital determined to do what I could to ease us in to parenthood with as little difficulty as possible.

 (Ultimately how I felt was a moot point compared to what my partner had been through in the last 24 hours. However lost I felt was minuscule compared to how she must have felt. She would later confess to me that she felt that she had let me down, but I could never be upset with her over something like this. To feel like you can't even trust your own body and to give birth without having any of the classic symptoms of being pregnant is something I would never be able to relate to, and I had the advantage of going home when the midwives kicked me out for the night so all the new mums and babies could rest but for her it was unrelenting. I had quiet times to try and ingest all the information thrown at us throughout the days in hospital, either when driving around arranging things for their eventual homecoming or going home for the night to sleep but she had no respite from it at all. I know she had weak moments in that hospital when she felt all alone late at night, but she has proved to me and everyone we know then and ever since how strong a woman she can be... and I love her for that.)

 I'd like to say that this moment of emotional weakness was the last time I'd lose it for no apparent reason, but the truth is I hardly lasted an hour. As I walked back in to the room where Mama and baby were I was greeted by a lady selling photos she had taken of our little mite while I was at home and I had conveniently turned up at just the right moment to see the results! So, after flicking through a few of the pictures she had taken and allowing us one extra photo to be taken of Father cradling Son it was time to deliver the knockout blow... the video montage with music for ultimate emotional reaction! Suffice to say after a sensitive 24 hours this broke me completely and I became that gullible blubbering wreck who orders the deluxe package who she no doubt had a good laugh about with the other reps around the water cooler later that day... and I'm fine with that. (For reasons I will go in to later on for fear of repeating myself too much.) This wouldn't be the only picture we would have taken of ourselves today either. As it so happens Jacob was born not only on St George's day, (the patron saint of England) but also on the same day as Prince William's third child which meant that the press officer of the hospital was going around and snapping all the happy couples and their newborns which in turn popped our picture up on the lunchtime bulletin of one of the national news programs! (This lead to my biological father who I hadn't seen for years recognising us on TV and since then we're now building on this foundation so he has a healthy relationship with his grandson.) But that wasn't all that transpired with the media thanks to an innocent Facebook post.

 Now, as stated previously myself and my good lady are enthusiasts of a little coastal town called Weston Super Mare; we both have fond memories as children visiting the local area, there are lot's of arcades around, (I am a gamer at heart after all!) and with it being just over an hour away it's easy enough to get to whenever we want a change of scenery so both myself and the other half are members of a Facebook group called Weston Super Mare - Then And Now, where people who either live in and around the area or lovers of the resort can share pictures from the past or more recent times along with having a handy place to keep an eye on special events which take place throughout the year. Much like any Facebook group there are people who use it to spread a bit of cheer throughout the community and those who see it as a grandstand to moan about whatever topic was currently en vogue so I thought it would be nice to mention the little trip to our favourite place along with what followed over the next 12 hours and the post BLEW UP. We had hundreds of likes and many many words of congratulations from everyone but more interestingly we had a private message from a producer working for the BBC Radio Bristol morning program who wanted to do an interview with me live on air with the host! This lead on to a little media storm over the next 48 hours which saw myself interviewed by BBC Radio Bristol, BBC Radio Somerset, BBC Radio Hereford & Worcester, a news piece on the main BBC website about us along with other online articles featuring in The Metro and Daily Mail national papers. And it didn't end there, when Mother and baby came out of hospital she was also interviewed by BBC Radio Hereford & Worcester as a follow up story and we also had a TV reporter and cameraman over to our house to feature in the lunchtime and evening regional news program for that day as the "and finally" feel good article. My considerate other also did an interview with one of those trashy women's magazines who decided to focus on the fact we ate at a Nandos the evening before rather than us not knowing we were expecting but it's a lesson we all learnt on that one, but we did get a little bit of money from the article so it wasn't a complete loss and in retrospect it's something amusing we can show the little one when he's older.

 That's a lot of crazy things happening to us over a very short period of time and some people thought it might be a bit overwhelming with everything else going on in our lives but we had both decided we would grab these opportunities with both hands for one simple reason: Most people these days can have pictures of their first scan kept for prosperity's sake, or have baby bump pictures to reflect back on as the day of birth dawns ever closer but we had none of that. No scan pictures, no baby bump pictures, no baby shower. So what better way to commemorate the birth of our surprise son than with a load of newspaper articles, radio interviews and TV segments? Not everyone can claim that for their firstborn so I like to think it makes up for all the things we did miss in those 9 months which other people get to enjoy at least in a little way.

** If you're interested in seeing any/all of the media you can watch the compilation here. All the articles/interviews I managed to find online or was gifted by the producers are here with the relative timestamps if there's certain things you'd like to see/hear over others. It is also a private video on my Youtube channel which you are free to share if you think anyone else would like to see it but I won't be openly advertising it with a general release to my subscribers. **

 As it stood, my boy decided to do a little poop on his way out of the womb, (a common occurrence I'm told!) and because of this he picked up a little infection; his white cells weren't at the capacity that they should have been which meant Momma and Baby were kept in hospital for 5 days to make sure he was well enough to eventually let him out in to the big wide world. This as it turned out was a blessing in disguise as I had a house to sort out for when they got home along with a lot of items to buy and I didn't have a clue where to start! Now I am a firm believer in retail therapy, (everyone feels better when they buy themselves something new!) but where should I even begin? Thankfully my partner's parent's had clubbed together and bought us a car seat as I didn't realise you couldn't even leave the hospital without one, although it makes sense in retrospect. I mean, how else are you going to get the little one home, in the glove box? They also shelled out a considerable amount of money on a fancy branded pram which converted in to a pushchair for when he was older which was a very generous gift, essentially taking out the hassle and monetary burden such a purchase can be when buying for your first... when you hardly have any spare cash flow... and you didn't even know you were expecting. But between friends and family we were blessed to receive all the essentials we would need for the first few weeks of parenting. This didn't stop me going to Mothercare with my partner's mother to get any small items not thought about until a couple of days after the birth when we knew what we were expecting from others. (The last thing we needed or could afford was duplicates!) So I walked in to the shop credit card in hand and an hour or so later with a very helpful lady's assistance (are they on commission?) I managed to spend over £500 on things I'd been told we'd need sooner or later. Sure enough all the items were used eventually and it was money well spent... although it turned out not to be the largest purchase we made in the first 2 weeks of parenting.

All the bases had been covered. No basics were we left wanting, but that's not to say all conveniences were accounted for! There was one glaring issue we could live without initially but would have to be confronted sooner rather than later and that was on transport, or more specifically transport which could cope with a baby and all the relative accessories which came along with them. You see, my partner and I only had 2 small cars between us; I'm talking 3 door hatchbacks which technically had back seats to them but unless you were a legless midget there was no practical use for the area behind the driver and that's without even thinking of where a pram was going to go, the changing bag and any other necessities we may have needed on any given excursion or day out! And did I mention we had a holiday booked down in Cornwall from before he was born which we were planning on still going to even though he would only be 10 weeks old at the time?! Yeah... So, as you can appreciate one of us had to upgrade our car too which my other half was more than happy to do. It made sense really, she was the one who would be carting them both around for the year she would have off with him before going back to work after her maternity leave ended, so in the two weeks after we all came home from hospital we had also been doing research in to an appropriate vehicle and bought a car!

This all happened within the paternity leave I had been given. It all had to be done in that time as I wanted returning to work for myself to be as hassle free as possible. I needed to know that my little family had everything needed to get about day to day so we could then concentrate on growing in to our new roles together without any unnecessary distractions hitting us on some idle Tuesday in the future.

I'm very happy to say that since all this has happened we have all had a relatively carefree 15 months together. Jacob is a very happy baby and now that he is older and getting more interactive with every passing day there is never a dull moment, although at times a bit more "quiet time" for us parents wouldn't go amiss! But taking it in to consideration all the things that have happened I don't think I'd change the way we were gifted our baby boy. Although there were milestones we never had through the pregnancy we also never had any of the grief of overthinking the situation when you have 9 months to think about what's inevitably going to happen, and since my little breakdown in the shower we have been living day to day; overcoming obstacles as they arise and generally it works for us. If I can take anything away from all of this it's to live each day as it comes and although it's good to prepare for any situation sometimes you just need to roll with the punches and with a little luck on your side everything should fall the way it should if only you have a little faith in yourself.

So there you have it! The story of how I became a surprise dad in three relatively long blog posts spanned over virtually 12 months. Free time is an issue for me these days so I hope you can forgive me for uneven uploading to my Youtube channel or for how infrequent my blogs have been but this three parter is leading up to a special video I plan on releasing around the time of his Christening at the start of September, (another thing which has unexpectedly taken far longer than we thought it would to arrange!) so keep a look out for that with probably an unabridged version of the script appearing on here too. Ultimately though these three entries and the upcoming video is all for Jacob. It's something that I hope he will look back on when he's older, (much, much older for this blog!) and see exactly how his old man felt in a frank retelling of the story he would have been overloaded with when growing up and ultimately I hope he can take heart in the fact that his parents may have ignored him for the first 9 months of his life but he has been at the forefront of our thoughts and actions ever since.

It's all for you, Son.

I hope to be more frequent going in to the future due to a change of priorities with my free time coming up after the celebration which I am planning on divulging more about on my Youtube channel soon so look out for that if you're interested. But until the next time thank you once again for taking the time to read this and hopefully I'll speak to you again soon.

 Scott.

The Baby That Came! Part 2 - The Redaction Of Contractions

They say you can never be truly ready to have a baby and I definitely agree with that. The thing is, you can be partially ready for a baby, be that mentally, physically or financially. As far as those 3 aspects are concerned we were not. Thankfully this wasn't something which hit me initially in those seconds, minutes or even hours after the nurse dropped the bombshell of our incoming parenthood. Those 3 seconds from being told to my partner being whisked off to the birthing suite was, (unbeknownst to me at the time) the quietest and most serene moments I would have to myself for the foreseeable future. My brain had farted. I was drawing a blank. For that brief time I had no idea what the hell was going on. Thankfully the well trained staff around us made the the next couple of hours as autonomous as possible for us both, it was just a case of going through the motions and as far as my part was concerned being the hand to be squeezed in between the contractions which up until this point had been quite bearable... or so I'm told.

It's at this point I'd like to make you aware dear reader that the two "highlights" I'm about to mention are, (I'm sure) a couple of the many features experienced in between being told we were going to be parents to the birth of our son six and three quarters of an hour later but due to the circumstances everything else was a bit of a blur; I was well and truly in auto-pilot mode throughout this time but I will never forget these two scenarios that cropped up:

The first "highlight" of the labor period is one that although the situation was very apparent it never sunk in until this point and it fell like an anvil dropping. A happy anvil, but an anvil none the less! Now I'm one of these people who doesn't really believe something until there is proof to back it up and it's fair to say that it didn't matter how much all these professionals kept telling me and my partner we were having a baby I still had an air of cynicism about the whole situation. YES, I know that her water broke in the A&E department and YES, all the issues my partner had had over the last couple of days were pointing to her being heavily pregnant but what it took to finally sink in was the sound of Baby's heartbeat. Things were moving along and they wanted to keep an eye on Mother and Baby's vitals to make sure there were no issues popping up as the birthing process advanced; after all 2 hours ago we didn't even know we were expecting; and I remember this big black elasticated band being put around my partner's belly and then the midwife plugging this little plug in to the monitor behind her and then BAM! There it was. He was here. It was real. It felt like in that moment my heart skipped a beat and transferred through my hand holding my girl's hand, down the cables and in to him and there was no denying it any more. That juncture was the happiest and scariest I've ever felt all at once in my entire life and I think under different circumstances those two feelings might have come on separate occasions... but we were on the clock so we just got it all over with in one foul swoop.

As has been well documented since the dawn of man when you enter the labor period of the miracle of birth and mother and baby appear to be healthy you enter a bit of a waiting game. Baby is quite happy where he or she is residing as it's all they've ever known and Momma can't push until she's well dilated so we are basically hanging around until my partner's lady bits warm up to the fact she is going to push the equivalent of a melon out her being in the near future... so you can understand why it takes a while to come around to the idea to be honest. And it was after a couple of hours of waiting with the occasional crushing of my hand during contractions, (around 2AM) that I mentioned to the other half that it might be a good idea to let someone else know we were about to become a family, and seeing as she was doing all the hard work and I was there for moral support and to be the casual squeeze toy I thought it was time for me to get in touch with her parents first. Initially she wasn't too warm on the idea as she thought that her Mother would be disappointed, or even angry at her for not knowing of her situation but she soon resigned herself to the fact that there's only so long you can hide a baby in the family as they can be quite loud and very time consuming at the best of times, and with that I went outside to make the phone call. Again, this was all within the time where the acute details are blurred but the conversation went something like this:

                                                     (30 seconds of the phone ringing)

Partner's Sleepy Mother (PSM): Hello?
Me: Hi PSM it's Scott.
PSM: Hi Scott. Is there a problem?
Me: Well... er... are you sitting down?
PSM: I'm in bed Scott...
Me: Yeah... well... you see... it's your daughter... we're in hospital... and she's going to have a baby.

                    (Uncomfortable silence... it felt like hours but I'm sure it was seconds)

PSM: WHAT?!
Me: Yeah... there appears to be no complications but we could do with you coming up as soon as you can.
PSM: We'll be there within an hour.

In retrospect I'm sure there are better ways to tell someone they were going to become a first time grandparent but time was of the essence and true to their word they were with us before 3AM. I'll never forget their faces as I met them in the foyer of the hospital because between them they managed to convey all the feelings I had at that present time: my partner's mother had a look of abject worry and broken sleep wrought in to her face in contrast to my partner's father who had such a beaming smile there was no wiping it off... regardless of the ungodly time we had dragged him out at.

Time was ticking on, things were expanding at a steady rate and even though my partner had been squeezing my hand for almost 5 hours not once had her grip got any weaker! That's when it happened, things had gotten to a point where she was allowed to push and for the next 45 minutes that's what she did and that's when we had a complication. Describing a matter of life or death for your unborn baby as a "complication" seems a slight underestimate to the stakes at hand but again in retrospect I'm sure the well qualified doctors and nurses see this on a much more regular basis than we do, but when you're made aware of any issue when it has been plain sailing up until that point it's the only thing you tend to focus on. The issue with the birthing process was, (and I was unaware of this) that the ladies of the Human race have a U-bend in them, (as it was described to me) and our baby with every push from Momma was moving 2 steps forward then 2 steps back again in a sort of rocking motion due to the size of Baby and the size of the U-bend, and after a long time of trying to see if this would eventually occur naturally the baby was getting very tired and distressed, to the point of it's heartbeat dropping with every go, and with every try my girlfriend was also getting more tired so each added push was weaker. (Her grip alas was still stronger than ever!) So at this point a decision had to be made; they could take her to the operating theatre for a cesarean or they could attempt a forceps delivery. My girl was adamant she was not going to have a cesarean so as long as the doctors thought they could help the baby with forceps, (think of them as brutally over sized barbecue tongs without the added use of tossing salad on rainy days) we would try and avoid any unnecessary surgical procedures for as long possible, hopefully altogether. As it stood this isn't something they could do in the standard delivery suite so it was at this point my partner's sleepy mother had to leave our side and join my partner's joyful father back in the waiting room, where as I was heading to a locker room to get cleaned up and put on some scrubs before going to join the assembled midwives, doctors and nurses who were looking at getting baby out as soon and stress-free as possible. When I exited the locker room a nurse was waiting to show me where I would be going to join the party when she suddenly declared to me, "Have you got your phone?" For some reason this question really confused me, why did she expect me to have my phone on me? I know the youth of today tend to have their portable communication devices surgically attached to the palms of their hands these days but I had no idea what the etiquette in this circumstance was! I figured if I couldn't go in to what I believed to be a sterilized room in my everyday togs, (albeit well worn... it had been almost 24 hours since we left to go to Weston) a plastic device dropped on the floor, kept in a sweaty pocket, spat on through banter on phone calls and with smudgy fingerprints all over it wouldn't be welcome in such an environment but alas I was wrong. "To take pictures of the birth with of course!" was the reply.

Well OK then.

I'd been with my partner for almost 10 years at this point so naturally the talk of children had come up in casual conversation on more than one occasion, especially when talking about the actual birthing process, and one thing was made vehemently clear from an early point: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES MUST YOU EVER, EVER GO BELOW THE WAIST AND SEE THE CAR CRASH THAT WOULD BE MY PARTNERS LADY BITS DURING THE MIRACLE OF BIRTH. To be honest with you I don't think seeing what I can only think of as a reenactment of the scene with John Hurt in Alien but about 18 inches further down the body would have fazed me but even if I wanted to take a peek down there there was no way I'd be able to get a look in with all the people buzzing around the lower half of her body so I played the good partner role and held her hand while the necessary procedures were carried out. Because of the lateness of the complication my dear one had gone past the point of being able to have an epidural but "thankfully" she could have an anesthetic injection in to the lower back which would numb the area, (albeit not as effectively) as she now had to have in order to use the forceps effectively a "nip" down below to make the entry of the tools easier. All I can remember of this part was my already distressed partner from being rushed in to an operating theatre screaming in pain whilst the "nip" was applied... and after that the birthing tongs were brought in to play. I honestly thought at this point, (with the whole cutting of the lady bits and the pain that seemed to cause) that the worst was over for my lady; a bit more pushing with a bit of leverage from the forceps and Bob's you uncle - instant baby birth! But I couldn't have been more wrong. From what I can gather at my limited, (thankfully) angle is that the reason the cuts were made in my sweetheart's downstairs department was so the forceps could fit in beside the baby's head and thus "help" the little mite pass through the birthing canal and join us in the operating theatre which in itself was still a tight fit... an extremely painful tight fit as it happens, and all I could do for my girl is allow her to squeeze my hand until my bones were turned to dust - it was the least I could let her do.

And then it happened. One over-dramatic pull from the doctor later and this purplely-blue blob was plopped on to my girlfriend's stomach. Now, my only experience of childbirth up until this point has been what has been shown to me in films or TV programs, (I've purposely not watched programs like One Born Every Minute... it's just not how I like to spend my free time and I can't for the life of me see why anyone would want to subject themselves to such a program if they haven't given birth or have been the significant other standing at their side... it's a horror show at the best if times!) so when baby popped out I was expecting cries and wiggling and well... signs of life. The doctors and midwives had just plonked the little critter down on my lady's stomach, gave him a quick rub on his back and left him to it! This was when it felt like I experienced the longest second of my life: I stood there staring while all the professionals around us were congratulating us on having a healthy baby boy but I was just waiting for a little movement... a little cry... a little reassurance... and it mustn't have been more than a second or so as I'd like to think if there were any real issues they would have been addressed immediately, then he wailed like a banshee and I felt a huge release of stress swathe over my entire being. Everything was going to be alright. As this happened and he was put on to my love's chest she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, "I want to call him Jacob." Considering the amount of physical and mental punishment she had been under for the last 6 hours I didn't think I was in a position to argue with her! Jacob, (not Jake) it was.

After the initial moment we were allowed together there were still things that needed to be sorted out with Momma, there were stitches to be had and seeing as the doctors were already down there the placenta was to be removed now rather than letting it pass naturally so Jacob was taken over to the side to be weighed and cleaned up a little and I was ushered in the same direction. Sadly because of the immediacy of the birth I couldn't cut the umbilical cord after he was born but there was a significant length left which had to be trimmed down so I was allowed to do that and then the clamp was applied to seal it off. I say clamp... it looked more like the sort of clip you buy from the supermarket to seal up a partly eaten packet of crisps but if it does the job who am I to argue! After that he was wrapped up in a white towel and handed to me for a moment, the first time I was able to hold my son, and I gave him a little rub on his chest with my finger and welcomed him to this world while a nurse took a few pictures on my phone. Then a beautiful thing happened which I'll never forget; Jacob moved his hand up out of the towel he was wrapped in and clasped my finger so tightly and I experienced an intense wave of love I'd never felt before wash over my body and I knew in that second we would all be fine; from the suddenness of this bombshell being dropped of becoming parents after having no idea 7 hours previously to not having anything at all for our little miracle, (several epic shopping trips over the next 5 days followed) I knew everything would work out great...  and then my phone alarm went off telling me I had to get up to go to work.

That lead to some interesting phone calls to several people over the next couple of hours but I'll cover that in the next, (and final) part along with what became a little media sensation for us after an innocent Facebook post!

Thanks once again for taking the time to read this and hopefully I'll see you next time!

Scott.


Check Out My Youtube Channel: www.YouTube.com/PalicoPadge

My Top Ten Zombie Films Of All Time! (Unabridged)

Hello! I think it's safe to say at this point that I won't be as regular doing these blogs as I had hoped. Mainly because of having to juggle real life, (jobs and babies) with the limited time I have to actually do what I want to do, (like making YouTube videos to upload every other day... mostly) but that doesn't mean I can't regale some story or thought on something every once in a while!

And also when I have a cold and can't make videos due to my already nasal sounding voice being even more nasally and bunged up... and right now I have a cold.

BUT! I have just released my Halloween special video detailing my top ten favourite zombie films of all time and, (as I usually do) I jibber-jabbered on for far longer than the intended 20 minute video I had planned from the offset. So after 3 days of INTENSE editing I ended cutting out a lot of what I had planned to say just so the video didn't go on for too long and lose it's vigor for your average viewer. I figure if you've got this far in to this blog entry it's because you like the tangents I tend to get pulled off  on to and therefore wouldn't mind reading my unabridged script for that video PLUS extras! (You're welcome!) So, for your reading pleasure I am going to publish the original script I read off for that video and any of the chunks I either cut out or added will be in italics just so you can see what I had to take out.

Here we go!

As you may, (or may not) be aware I am a HUGE zombie fan. I originally started up my channel back in 2012 when the DayZ mod was still widely popular and not the strung out shit show it is at the moment. I STILL hold out hope that the game will become what it set out to be when the alpha to the full game dropped at the end of 2013. 2013?! And it's still in EARLY ACCESS? Mother fu... cker. I wasn't sure whether to put this whole word in due to wanting to keep the video relatively clean, (much like my other videos) but I thought once I had decided to add the thunder and lightning effect to the TV screen I could get away with it for comedic effect. I think I got away with it too. 

Anyway, from many deaths in my Project Zomboid series to making my girlfriend go around the corner first to confront the witch in Left 4 Dead 2 I have been fortunate enough to be able to experience a lot of what is on offer to the average PC gamer when it comes to tooling up to fight the horde. But this love started way before I discovered all the diverse ways I could try and survive the undead apocalypse digitally so I've decided for my Halloween special this year I would list my top 10 zombie films of all time. Now, my hope here is that I'll be able to list a few films that you haven't seen, maybe even never heard of, and this will inspire you to go and hunt these films down and watch them for yourself. But in advance of this I want to iterate that this is a list of MY favourite films, this is in no way a definitive BEST OF video as there are films I've left off here which are amazing zombie flicks from a cinematic perspective but sometimes its the slightly less well known ones which steal your heart. I've always been reluctant on doing a list video as they can seem like you're saying "THESE ARE THE BEST FILMS EVER AND I WON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER!", but at this point I figured this is the internet; You're never going to please the majority of people the majority of the time so I might as well just do what I want and to hell with the consequences. The thing is, as a very small fish in a very large pond called YouTube it's very easy to offend anyone/everyone with your opinion, and opinions are like arseholes, everyone has got one and every so often they're full of shit. Even so, to put off any potential viewers or subscribers is something I'm acutely aware of, and something which affects me a lot more on a per view basis than the likes of Markiplier of Jacksepticeye. It's just not good generally to isolate someone through opinion which in itself is a very easy thing to do without paying much attention to it, and even more so when you do videos like this!

So with that being said, let's start by naming some films I love but I can't include in this list for certain reasons... and I better put up a mild spoiler alert here just to cover my ass: And this is just a way for me to include more films than just the top ten without officially saying so... I mean, top 10 sounds a lot better than top 16, right?

28 Days Later (2002) - Danny Boyle's innovative film shook up the undead genre by having not slow, lumbering ghouls like in many other films and instead made them fast, aggressive, and unyielding... in other words absolutely bloody terrifying! This was solidified by the fact it was set in the UK, and being a Brit myself it was a welcome change to have this based in my home country with surroundings I could relate to far easier than the grid-like cities and vast open plains of the USA. That alone pulled me in to this adrenaline-fueled 113 minute romp from start to finish. I could bang on about the fact that only the military (generally) have access to arms in Britain too, and one could argue this signifies from a survival perspective this would mean you had little to no chance of making it out alive due to the ferocity of the infected with seemingly unlimited stamina compared to your average human, but that in my humble opinion this is captured beautifully in the first meeting we have with an infected person within the church; a vicar or priest who generally would be a sign of sanctuary acting so violently towards Jim shows us that we are in a hopeless situation.  Sadly, this doesn't fall in to my top 10 because technically these are INFECTED, not undead. This is proven by the end of the film when the survivors are waiting for the infected to starve to death. If they were zombies then they wouldn't be able to starve to death... because, you know, they're already dead.

But speaking of virus' this leads me on to the next film not in my official top ten but in itself is a great film:

World War Z (2013) - I was really looking forward to an adaption of Max Brook's follow up book to The Zombie Survival Guide detailing the events leading up to, during and after a "Zombie Plague" has infected the world. Sadly though the film we received is nothing like the novel it's based upon, but that doesn't necessary make it a bad film in itself, and one must wonder what the initial cut of the film was after an extensive, (and expensive) re-shooting for the latter third of the movie was carried out. To have what is a very detailed story which could cover several movies through the multiple visions of the interviewees throughout the book supposedly tossed aside for what is in essence a fairly run of the mill zombie film is a decision I really struggle with. The potential on the original concept overlooked is mind boggling, and I think this is one book adaption of many that royally screws the pooch for no apparent reason. (Thanks Hollywood!) However, one of the aspects that I enjoy with this film, and one I think rarely gets the attention it deserves, is the initial outbreak of a zombie plague and this in my opinion is captured wonderfully; the initial confusion and panic with the break down of modern civilization before your very eyes in the first 30 minutes is a sight to behold. That's not to say that the rest of the film isn't worth sitting through. It's just a shame that a perfectly good plot from Max Brooks was tossed aside purely so the title could be used to headline a different film all together.

Demons (1985)- Back in my hometown when I was a youngster in the 90's there was this second hand record store which also happened to sell VHS tapes, fancy dress costumes and silly joke thingamabobs, (whoopee cushions and the like) and on some rainy Saturday afternoons a couple of friends and I would while away a wet afternoon sifting through the piles and piles of music and films scattered around the shop, and if the shop assistant was particular bored on that day they would give us suggestions on what films to buy for a viewing later on that evening. And just to remind you, this was back in the early to mid nineties, when recommendations for many forms of media was more done by word of mouth rather than the world wide web! Among the many, MANY films we came to watch over the years Demons is one which I still enjoy viewing on a fairly regular basis.  Demons, as the title implies, is about Demons. It starts out with a mysterious guy giving away tickets to a film premier at a newly opened cinema about a bunch of kids who come across the grave of Nostradamus, and here they discover a metal mask which cuts one of the teenagers face who then transforms in to a demon, who then hunts down the rest of the group. Coincidentally the mask "prop" from the film is exhibited in the cinema foyer and when one of the patrons tries it on they also cut their face and guess what happens next?! After her transformation in to a demon the remainder of the audience try to flee the cinema but find themselves locked in, which leads to a desperate fight for survival. The reason I mention this film is because although the people who turn are referred to as demons, it appears the possession is something which is transferred to the victim by a cut or laceration, much like a zombie bite or scratch is the beginning of the end for that particular victim. I'm also captivated by the feeling of isolation and entrapment that the film conveys when trapped in a cinema, a place generally thought of as a safe space. But it's not until you see a film like this that you realise that there's not many exits to such a building... one thing you'll need to think about if the apocalypse did happen when you're in the middle of viewing the next Mamma Mia! Just something to think about... If you ever get the chance to view this film I highly recommend it!

Now for a few honorable mentions! These are films that fill my quota for being a good zombie film but when you are limiting yourself to 10 in the list you have to cut the line somewhere. Starting with:

Night Of The Living Dead (1968) - What list of zombie movies can ever be taken seriously if the grand daddy of the whole genre isn't mentioned at least in passing? This is the first movie to show zombies in their modern undead form. Films beforehand showcased zombies in the traditional voodoo style, that being a person under a spell from a witch doctor or such folk, but Romero re-invented them as walking corpses as he believed the scariest monsters imaginable were humans themselves. This is portrayed through all of his films where the zombies, although a constant threat, play second fiddle to the horrors that the human race put upon themselves. But that's enough waxing lyrical about the inner meanings of the original Romero trilogy, this is a fantastic zombie film which just so happened to originate the genre and inspire thousands of spin offs and imitators, but one which is far too obvious to include in my top ten. I'll be honest with you. I wanted to put this in to the top ten hovering around third or fourth place but I didn't for two reasons; 1: I didn't want to have a third of my list being made of Romero movies when there are plenty of other films out there which are less well known and deserve a bit of attention, (See The Battery) and 2; It's just too obvious. Dawn is my absolute favourite of the original trilogy so I went with that instead as my top film but in an ultimate list where cinematography came in to it more than enjoyment this would be up there without a shadow of a doubt! 

Wasted Away [Aaah! Zombies!!] (2007) - Out of the many, MANY zombie films I've had the pleasure, (and dis-pleasure) to sit through there are times when the classic premise of the genre can get a little bit stale, (we start by coming across a group of survivors months in to the apocalypse and we get to witness the falling apart of said group whether via an inner conflict or from another group coming along and messing up everyone's day because of supplies or territory/people with certain skill sets/just to watch the world burn and the aftermath of such conflict OR we start by coming across a group of survivors looking at trying to find a cure for the affliction which in turn goes awry because of another group wanting supplies or territory/wanting the cure for themselves/wanting to watch the world burn blah blah blah...) and then, every so often if your heart is pure and the wind is blowing in the right direction you MAY come across a film which hits you like a breath of fresh air. Wasted Away, (Or Aaah!Zombies!!) is one of those films for me. It is by no means a classic by any stretch of the imagination but it initially kept me watching all the way to the end AND has me revisiting it every couple of years, which may not sound like an out and out recommendation but any film I'm willing to re-watch, especially in the zombie genre can be counted as a triumph in my books. Wasted Away is a film from the zombie perspective, except the zombies don't think they're zombies. The majority of the flick is in colour, but when viewing the perspective of anyone but the zombie's own the film shifts in to a 1950's black and white B-movie style which makes the different viewpoints very easy to distinguish between. It's not a GREAT film, but it's a film I enjoy viewing for it's comedic shot at putting a spin on what can be a tired formula.

A Cadaver Christmas (2011) - A Cadaver Christmas is a guilty pleasure of mine, so much so in fact I've managed to wrangle it on to our official Christmas film playlist along with National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, Elf and Die Hard among others. (We have quite a mixture of genres with a Christmas theme in the playlist of the Padge household! I'm seriously thinking of doing a list for my Christmas special this year...) The premise is a simple zombie fare based around the festive holidays, where a janitor is cleaning up the science department of a local college at Christmas and discovers that the dead are being brought back to life. After dealing with the initial threat and having no luck trying to raise the police through the college switchboard due to an overzealous student security guard the janitor decides to track down a local officer so they can deal with it and he can wash his hands of it. Washing hands... Janitor... never mind. Sadly, the police officer at hand has his own set of problems at the local bar and this all leads us down the path of the janitor, the police officer, his prisoner, a happy drunk with suicidal tendencies, the bartender AND the student security guard dealing with the horrors that lurk within the college science department and beyond. I won't lie, this is a BAD movie, with nothing original to say and cliches aplenty, but it just hits a note of silliness with over the top gore and a smidge of Christmas spirit which encapsulates me enough to revisit it year on year. Taste is subjective, and that's why this one get's an honorable mention... because I love it!

So with those out of the way it's time to jump in to my top 10 zombie films of all time!! Brace yourself...

Last Of The Living (2009) - Over the years there have been a lot of good low budget horror features hailing from New Zealand. From modern classics like Bad Taste and Brain Dead to more recent films like Black Sheep there are plenty of hits coming from the land of the Kiwi's. Last of the Living is NOT one of them. The generic plot line has 3 friends hanging out in vacant houses around their home town after a zombie apocalypse, generally dicking about and having a great time, until a beautiful scientist comes along with claims of being able to cure the undead of their ailments but only if she can get to the local hospital lab. And of course, because she's the only woman around all 3 have to have a crack at wooing what could possibly be the last woman on earth. The characters are fairly stereotypical and tick all the necessary boxes for characters you'd expect in this scenario; the domineering slightly stupid alpha male; the quieter, more intelligent beta male and the completely bat shit crazy omega male; and although you can see the ending from a mile away the sudden turn of mood towards the finale of the film is a nod to some of the zombie classics it so obviously takes it's inspiration from. So, why number 10 on my list? It's the premise of the film that I love. Running amok around your home town when the world has gone belly up with your mates and living in the more upmarket homes you can only wish about living in if only for a few days before moving on is THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE DREAM SCENARIO. Yes, Dawn of the Dead takes this concept and runs away with it but from a practical point of view, this is YOUR real life outlook as a single male hanging out with friends in the end of the world. And it's that vision that I love... even when it all eventually goes tits up.

Detention Of The Dead (2012) - What happens when you take one of the most influential 80's teen movies and throw a shed load of zombies at it? Detention of the Dead! It's predominantly a zombie filled homage to that brat-pack classic The Breakfast Club with many a subtle nod to other horror films and actors. (The Savini Library anyone? - Just in case you're not aware, the Savini library is a nod to Tom Savini, the main man behind the make-up and special effects of Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, Creepshow and the original Friday the 13th, as well as a stuntman and actor who's appeared in plenty of films both old and new, but most notably playing the second in command of the biker gang in Dawn... the one with the handlebar moustache.) The main cast manages to cover all the main cliques you tend to find in your average high school and once incarcerated inside said library along with another kid who looks mightily unwell the scene is set for a very tongue in cheek adventure. This film is very aware of the audience it assumes will watch it and so houses a lot referential humor and character tropes expected from a director who loves both horror and classic teen movies and has decided that they would work very nicely together. Simply put, if John Hughes and George Romero made a movie together, Detention of the Dead would be it. The reason I'm not really outlining the plot any more than I have is because if you're a fan of either genre you pretty much know what is going to happen already. And again, that doesn't make it a bad film, the reason this one is in my top ten is because it knows exactly who it's demographic is. It doesn't try to be original, it doesn't try to force a social commentary over the characters the film follows, all it wants to do is entertain you for it's 87 minute run time with as many nods to the pop culture from the eighties to the late noughties and zombie fiction as it can stuff in... and the soundtrack isn't half bad too.

Dead Alive (1992) And now on to my first film in this top ten which can be considered a modern classic... is a 1992 film allowed to be called a modern classic yet? I'm feeling old... ANYWAY, Dead Alive is the second horror film from the acclaimed director Peter Jackson of Lord of the Rings fame, and it is a prime example on how to make a fun, over the top horror comedy on a modest budget of a reported 3 million dollars. It is also rumored to be the bloodiest movie of all time when referring to how much film blood was needed in total. I suspect most of that was from the now infamous lawnmower scene near the end of the film... but I digress. Dead Alive is set in the late 1950's in Wellington, New Zealand as we accompany Lionel Cosgrove on a quest to woo the shop keeper's daughter Paquita Maria Sanchez with whom he is destined to be with. The problem is Lionel's mother Vera, an over-bearing, cruel lady who blames her husband's death on her Son and wants to keep him all to herself, so when on a date with his new lady friend she follows them both to the zoo to snoop on what they could be up to, and it is here where she is attacked and bitten by a Sumatran Rat Monkey, the bastard child hybrid created from, (and I kid you not) tree monkeys on Skull Island being raped by plague carrying rats. And from that brief introduction to the film you can see the sort of film you are going to be subjected to. So predictably Lionel's mum dies and comes back from the dead but instead of dealing with his undead mother he instead tries to nurse her back to good health while trying his best to appear like everything is normal as well as finding the time to charm Miss Sanchez. Of course it all gets out of hand rather quickly leading to some legendarily gruesome and funny scenes involving pus topped soup, Kung Foo priests and several creepy but hilarious scenes involving an undead baby. If you're watching this video I'm 99 percent sure you've seen this film, or at the very least have heard about it and if you haven't I implore you to see it as soon as you can... just make sure you've haven't eaten too recently if you're of a delicate nature. The only reason that this isn't any higher on my list is the fact that's it is SO out there at times  you just have to sit back and enjoy the ride and put all sense of reality to the side. And I know saying that about any of these films based around the dead coming back from the grave makes it a moot point, I mean, none of these films are based on any reality we're aware of unless you're in to your government conspiracy theories, but a little bit of science goes a long way, so having the undead  plague being created from the molestation of a monkey by a rat tends to blow up any pillars of  rationale from the offset. Even so Dead Alive is a ludicrous masterpiece.

Shaun Of The Dead (2004) Ah, Shaun of the Dead. There are several reasons why I absolutely LOVE this film; Firstly, it's set in the UK and it deals with very British problems in a zombie apocalypse with very British solutions, it also has an abundance of nods to other films in the genre and it is one of the few films in my opinion which gets the balance of horror and humor spot on. The cast also has a rapport with one another which perpetuates on to the screen  making most of the dialogue in scenes feel natural and off the cuff. The reason for the chemistry between some of the main actors and the director being that this film is actually an extension of a minor plotline running through an episode of Spaced called Art where Tim, (Simon Pegg) has been up for several days taking speed and playing the original Resident Evil before going to a performance art show and clobbering the main artist after hallucinating being surrounded by zombies. Spaced is a FANTASTIC sitcom from the late 90's and is worthy of your time... trust me on that one! Shaun of the Dead has the lead character being dumped by his girlfriend who is sick of his uniform lifestyle on the eve of a zombie apocalypse, but once he and his best friend manage to grasp the severity of their situation Shaun makes it his mission to rescue the love of his life and take her to the safest place possible, their local boozer the Winchester. This could be titled A Very British Zombie Apocalypse and I don't think it would lose any of it's luster without the punny name, and that's why it has a special place in my heart. For all the fantasies we have about living through the end times within a mall where everything is up for grabs this film right here would be the reality for me. AND I KNOW all the films, books and games I've ingested throughout my life which have given me all the essential tips and sensible advice on how to survive the end times mean nothing because I'm SURE this is how my story would play out. Because this is human nature captured on film. YES, you know it's safer to head out of the city, foregoing any responsibility you may think you have to friends and family for the sake of survival, but there's no safer place than home... or the pub.

Rammbock [Siege Of The Dead/Berlin Undead] (2010) Rammbock, or Berlin Undead, or, as it was named when I came across it, Siege of the Dead is barely a feature length picture running in at about 63 minutes but what it does in that time has remained with me since that first viewing. The film starts with the lead character Michael arriving outside his ex-girlfriends flat hoping to reconcile with her just as a virus is starting to grip the city of Berlin, which turns anyone bitten in to a very aggressive zombie IF that person gets too worked up... but I'll expand on that plot point in a moment. Soon Michael realises that his ex isn't home but an apprentice plumber working on the same floor teams up with him and together they have to figure out a way to secure the apartment and then, (from Michael's point of view at the very least) plan a way to escape in order to track down his love. The unique plot idea here though is that a bite in itself isn't fatal, all it means is that person is infected. In order to surrender to the virus one must have to have an adrenalin rush which in the middle of a zombie break out is easy enough to succumb to... but it's an original twist on the transmission of the sickness. And like 28 Days Later having fast zombies in confined spaces is absolutely bloody terrifying. So far my list has featured a lot of films which could be classified as horror comedy, or a light-hearted horror at the very least, but this one has no buoyancy whatsoever. This is a hopeless film, and it is set outright from pretty much from the first scene. You can see Michael is in a densely populated area and you start to realise that it's not a case of if something goes tragically wrong, but when. The ending in itself does hold a certain beauty to it where all parties involved get what they want, although it is by no means a happy outcome but the perfect way to end what turns out to be a  harrowing piece of German zombie cinema for all the right reasons. A must see.

Return Of The Living Dead (1985) From one of my more serious entries on this list to without a doubt the silliest, Return of the Living Dead is a proficient parody of all the cheap zombie motion pictures to riff off Romero's classics. It takes the idea of the flesh eating ghoul, gives it a healthy dose of absurdity, (or the Troma Treatment if you will) and then unleashes it on to a group of punks, warehouse workers, morticians and police force for your viewing pleasure. In a quick summery, two bumbling warehouse stores man manage to release a deadly gas from a sealed drum which causes the dead to rise from the grave, (quite literally at times) and go in the search for brains. Not any flesh or parts of the body, just brains. And as you may have guessed, chaos ensues. And these zombies aren't your average shamblers either, they can run, jump and even speak very basic sentences which again showcases the very tongue in cheek attitude of the film throughout. This movie for whatever reason barely features on any movie channel or streaming service and if it wasn't for a chance viewing on a random satellite station I still probably wouldn't have seen it, but I instantly treasured this movie to the point where I managed to wrangle a pristine 20th anniversary special edition DVD for quite a bit of money and I've never regretted that decision. (£30.00 plus postage at the time which is about 4 times the amount I like to pay! I'm really surprised seeing as this is classed as a cult classic so why this hasn't seen a genuine re-release sooner I have no idea... still, I've got my copy!) A gem of a zombie film although very much of its time in looks and attitude, but I think that just adds to the charm. Grab a big bowl of popcorn and get ready to laugh and gawk at this 80's classic.

The Battery (2012) As my partner and I are big movie watchers before Padge Junior came along we would dedicate some Fridays, most Saturdays and every Sunday to watching films. All sorts of films, and I'm sure you can appreciate it's not long before you have exhausted both of your movie collections and with the price of new DVDs costing as much as the takeaway pizza you've ordered watching new movies every week just wasn't cost effective. But because of my love for horror and especially zombie movies my sweetheart would allow me a "slot" late on a Saturday night where she would tolerate any trashy  film I could get my hands on and being a member of LoveFilm, (RIP) I could indulge in flicks I had never even heard of with no financial penalty whatsoever. This in a way would be the ultimate way to pass judgement on a film as I wouldn't think to myself, "well that wasn't worth the money" at the end of the viewing as it was simply a case of popping it in to a self addressed envelope and waiting 3 to 4 days for the next one to arrive. I can safely say that The Battery is the only film in this list where I had the pleasure of watching with no pre-apprehension, I could just enjoy it for what it was from start to finish. If there was ever a film which epitomizes the concept of the game DAYZ, The Battery would be it. That's to say not a lot happens for a large majority of the film other than witnessing two teammates of a baseball squad walking around the back roads of New England with beautiful vistas as their backdrop and only each other and their conscious to address regularly. And like DayZ, it all comes to a head when the duo have an uneasy meeting with another couple of survivors while scavenging out on the open road. This isn't the end of the story at this point but I will hold off from any more details due wanting to give you the opportunity to experience this film, (if you choose to) with as open a mind as possible. Although you get the feeling neither of the 2 guys were particularly close to one another before the world went tits up by the end of the film you can see that they are firm friends which makes the ending all the more devastating. When I see a low budget movie starring the writer who also happens to direct the thing too my eyes tend to do roll to the back of my skull as this is generally a sign of an amateurish job, but considering this was made on a minuscule fund of six thousand dollars this is another masterclass in  how to make a low budget zombie film. If you don't mind slow paced motion pictures which focus less on the visceral details of surviving the zombie outbreak and more on the intricate day to day living then this is worth a watch.

Diary Of The Dead (2007) You're probably surprised to see what is generally referred to as one of George Romero's weaker installments of the Dead series so high in this list but there's a couple of reasons why I prefer this one over more popular films like Day of the Dead. Diary of the Dead, (being a Romero movie) is a social satire from the time it was produced, and in 2007 it was the effect of the mass media and the fast growing social media's role of distributing news to the masses. But the main reason I love this film is FAR more shallow. As I've said previously, one aspect of any of the possible zombie apocalypses which gets brought to screen that often gets overlooked is the initial outbreak, and it is refreshing to see a film where the characters are away from their home towns and having to deal with the beginning of the end of the world while stuck in the back end of nowhere. Without instant access to the news or global events which we all take for granted these days you soon feel the claustrophobia that the characters are feeling knowing something really big is happening but being not quite sure what due to conflicting reports. Like Night of the Living Dead, Diary of the Dead is set right around the beginning of the outbreak and it could be argued that this is a more modern take on Romero's original story. I'm also a sucker for "found footage" films like Cloverfield and The Blair Witch Project, so having the main characters document their entire journey was an interesting direction for George to take after Land of the Dead and yet another reason why I'm so fond of this movie. Give it a chance. Hell, give this film a second chance if you wrote it off back when it first came out because I think you'll find especially with the recent uproar with the power social networks have over the masses day to day you'll see that once again the king of zombie movies was spot on in his perspective of the effect of mass media on the populace.

Zombieland (2009) Rules. Everybody needs rules. And it's these rules which get introduced to us right at the start of the film by Columbus, a World of Warcraft playing introvert who arguably hadn't lived a day of his life before the zombie apocalypse happened. It soon becomes apparent that it's these rules that have kept him alive for as long as they have when far more capable people have fallen by the wayside before him due to lack of preparation or understanding of the undead problem at hand. But its also these rules which restrict him from embracing the new world he has found himself in and feeling  truly free... which is where a guy called Tallahassee comes in. I feel to say any more about the story at this point is a waste of all our time since this movie was a massive worldwide hit with many A-list actors portraying all the lead characters and a legendary cameo from Bill Murray thrown in for good measure. It's just a fun film! Yes, I could blabber on about how this is a film about growth and acceptance but all you really remember is Woody Harrelson playing the Deliverance dueling banjos intro on a banjo before using said banjo to cave a zombie's head in. It isn't a clever movie in itself, it offers no new ideas to the genre or reflect any social narrative back at you to contemplate after the credits have rolled, but I had a massive Cheshire cat grin on my face when leaving the cinema after viewing it for the first time and every subsequent time after. Does this view of the movie reflect badly on me? The fact I can have such a brainless, unoriginal movie with a lot of heart as my number two when there are films from a cinematic perspective that are FAR more deserving which haven't even made the cut on to this list in the first place? Probably. But I REALLY enjoy watching this, and that's why it's so near the top. A guilty pleasure yes, but a pleasure none the less. And there's a Zombieland 2 coming in 2019!! I might have to update this list in a couple of years...

And finally, (and obviously)

Dawn Of The Dead (1978) Yep. I'm sure you all saw this coming. But as A Cadaver Christmas has made our Yuletide film playlist the original Dawn of the Dead is watched EVERY Halloween in the Padge household. This film is virtually perfect in my eyes, and ticks all the boxes of what I like to see in a zombie movie. Following on directly from Night of the Living Dead, Dawn starts off with you witnessing the breakdown of society, followed swiftly by the discovery and eventual fortification of a whole bloody shopping mall before a biker gang comes in and ruins everyone's day, including their own before, as is tradition with Romero's works, a suitably open ending is left for the viewer to ponder what will happen to the survivors that we have grown close to over the course of the film. I could at this point discuss the look at materialism of then modern day America within this movie but it is a well trodden path when discussing the intricacies of Dawn of the Dead, and not one I'm going to bore you with here. As I stated earlier, this is a list of films I enjoy repeated views of and although I'm sure George Romero was making a valid point when it came to his perspective of American consumerism, I just came to see zombies in a mall man. It annoys me that once again I have very little to say about my favourite zombie movie ever but there is nothing I can add that hasn't been said before ten times over. This isn't a film I need to justify in having a great affection for, as the cultural influence Dawn has had on the world is still apparent.

Well there you have it. My top ten zombie movies with plenty of honorable mentions to boot. My wish  when I originally decided to do this list was that hopefully you would check out a couple of films the that maybe you hadn't heard of or give one of the ones you haven't seen in a while a re-watch. It is  Halloween after all.

And as always, THANK YOU FOR WATCHING, A LIKE IS ALWAYS APPRECIATED AND I'LL TALK TO YOU AGAIN SOON.

Take it easy.

So there you go! The full unabridged script with extras for your reading pleasure. I really do hope if you've taken the time to read through this there will be at least one film on the list you haven't seen and will now seek out and hopefully find a new favourite or at the very least revisit an old one. (GO SEE THE BATTERY!!! No pressure.)

I mentioned in the video I released with this that I'm taking a week off to fully get over this cold before I start filming the new long play lets play I have lined up, so I thought as you've gone the extra mile and read this, (or at the very least skipped to the end) I'll let you in to a little secret. It's going to be Rimworld. I hope to see you there!